MONDAY, 26 OCTOBER

TODAY'S CARD

FIVE OF SWORDS

 

V

the five of swords is the card of the argument somebody won, and it turns up on a monday at the end of october, when the light goes early and the week ahead already feels long.

this comes up often around friendships that cooled. there was rarely a big fight. a remark that landed wrong, a reply that took too long, a birthday that went unmentioned. each of you decided you were the one who had been slighted, and the quiet grew from there.

the card is honest about how this goes. being right can feel like winning for about an afternoon. after that it mostly feels like being right on your own.

none of that means you were wrong, or that you owe anyone an apology you do not feel. it means there may be a choice underneath the scorekeeping that you have not looked at in a while, between keeping the point and keeping the person.

what is worth leaning into today: a calm head before any conversation that matters. a few quiet minutes this morning, eyes closed, before you decide what to say or whether to say anything at all.

what is worth staying away from: replaying the old exchange word for word. the replay keeps the argument alive long after the friendship itself has gone quiet.

my advice for today: think of one person you drifted from after a small hurt, and ask yourself honestly whether you miss the point you were making or the person you were making it to.

is there a friendship that went quiet over something small. you can tell me what happened, or only how long it has been.
 

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/ a reflection

who gets to go first

after a falling out there is a particular standoff most of us know. both people would welcome a message. neither wants to be the one who sends it.

going first can feel like conceding, as if reaching out admits the other person was right all along. so the phone stays in the bag, and a few months become a year with surprising speed.

and yet the people who do go first rarely describe it as losing. more often they describe relief, even when the answer is cooler than they hoped. the waiting had been heavier than the reply.

i keep wondering what going first would mean for you. whether it would feel like giving something up, or more like putting something down.

if you have ever been the one who went first, i would like to hear how it went. and if you are still waiting, i would like to hear that too.

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