The safe number keeps moving

FRIDAY, AUGUST 28

today's energy is about the feeling of not being quite safe yet. four of pentacles sits with holding on, and with the particular kind of tiredness that comes from watching a number that never gets to the point of being enough.

here is the thing i notice most about this one. the number moves. whatever figure would have meant safe fifteen years ago, you passed it or you did not, and either way the target relocated quietly and nobody sent a notification. so the arriving never happens, and a woman who has done sensibly by any outside measure still checks the balance with her stomach tight.

that is because the feeling and the figure are only loosely related. money buys options, and it does an excellent job of that. what it does not do is settle a nervousness that was installed early, usually by watching an adult be frightened about a bill. the tightness is old, and it is not a reliable reading of your current situation.

friday is when this bites, because friday is when spending happens and when the arithmetic gets done. none of this is a reason to be careless. it is a reason to stop reading the tightness as information about whether you are alright.

what is worth leaning into today: naming the figure you think would feel safe, out loud. then remembering what the figure was in your thirties. the exercise tells you something about the target rather than about you.

what is worth staying away from: measuring yourself against what other people appear to be able to afford. you are looking at their spending, which is not their position, and the two are frequently strangers to one another.

my advice for today: spend a small amount on something that gives you a good hour, deliberately, and notice that the sky holds. holding on has become a reflex, and a reflex needs contradicting rather than arguing with.

i am curious where your nervousness about money was learned, if you can trace it. write and tell me. almost everyone can name the room they first heard it in.

/ affirmations

say these out loud five times, in front of a mirror, right now, and say them slower than feels natural

the last one is the one i would argue with if somebody said it to me, which is probably why it belongs on the list. tell me whether you believed it by the fifth time.